Hi everyone, I’m a male that has married now for twelve yrs. During that time we have had three great children a boy n two girls. Well about two n half yrs ago I felt the spark leaving my marriage, I attempted to talk to my wife and when I did and I mentioned this spark she told me basicly to shove it where the sun don’t shine! that hurt deeply…I continued to try and make things work and all I wanted was a little more attention and affection in our marriage, I showed her constantly, but she would hardly ever show in return. Not to mention I work hard she don’t and she would tell her relatives that I treat her poorly and constantly put her down, I’ve always considered us a team, I never put her down, then I spoke to attorney and it was a female attorney she spoke with my wife and after a few sessions said she was sure that my wife is bi-polar. I’ve begged her to please get some help, when she gets in these “modes” my god she reaks havoc amongst my children and myself. Now its to the point where my son is asking me to divorce his mom, that he wants to live somewhere else with me. And on top of it I have a woman that I’ve become friends with that I’m doing my best to hold strong and not get involved with her, but my wife is not fullfilling any of my needs or the children’s. The other day before tgiving day she told me she wants to go to mediation now for a divorce. I tried counselling also, no good didn’t work…after a yr n a half of it. And the kicker is that if we get divorced she gets then alimony and child support for the girls….WTF? haven’t I’ve been punished enough as it is already??? and on top of that she gets a monitary award????
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January 14th, 2010 at 8:56 am
I usually do not respond to questions about divorce because I advocate for marriage. But, since she is the one who is asking for divorce, I will help you.
First, ask yourself if you love her. Divorce is final. Marriage has its peaks and valleys, good times and bad times. Ask yourself if you can help her and weather this bad period. She could have some emotional, mental or physical problems (anything from premenopause to bipolar) and marriage is for better or for worse. You can help her through this.
However, since you tried counseling and she wants a divorce…
Get a lawyer. Do not go through mediation. Mediation will aim for an agreement–any agreement–and not one that will be in your best interest.
Hire a lawyer who can provide documentation about your wife’s mental/emotional instability. That will rock her case for full custody and child support. Fight for the kids. Not just because you don’t want to pay support but because you believe that the kids will be put in harm’s way because she is an unfit parent.
Whatever you do, stay far away from this other woman until all this is final. It will hurt your case.
A good lawyer will help you keep the kids, keep from paying child support and alimony…well, that all depends on how long you’ve been married and whether she can work and provide for herself. It also depends on the state in which you now reside. Unfortunately, if she is diagnosed with bipolor, while it will help you get full custody, it might force you to have to pay for her medical insurance and alimony–at least for a little while. But all that will end at some point.
Talk to a lawyer for the details. If you find those details are hard to live with, you can try mediation to get her to agree to different terms. But sounds like she won’t be too generous with you so I’d go with a lawyer.
The next few steps will be difficult, but if she really is the problem, you will have a new and free start in life soon.
Good luck.
January 14th, 2010 at 8:56 am
Dude you should have looked into marriage before getting married, ALL of marriage including divorce. I feel sorry for your girls, if men who pork ur girls see you leading a miserable life because of divorce they will bail on them, but not before porking them some more.
January 14th, 2010 at 8:56 am
Weltcome to the divorce possibility club. All I can say is that is sometimes what happens. I’d demand harshly my ex go for complete psych testing for depression, bipolar, etc whether nor not she likes it or not. I’d have my friends swear out she is doing bazaar things like coming out naked sometimes and she needs evaluational. See if something like this can be worked up. It is imperative if you want to save this marriage. If not, you Will be much better off without her, but try to go for custody whether or not she likes it. Fiught tooth and nail and have friends stretch the truth about her hitting the kids or putting talcum powder on food which will hurt them. etc. The Judge would give you custody. Go big time to destroy her if she refuses a complete battery of psych catsuits and medication.
January 14th, 2010 at 8:56 am
There comes a time when a sinking ship must be abandoned or one risks being sucked down with the ship. Your marriage has foundered badly. Your own children are being adversely affected emotionally by the relationships course. The struggle to keep it afloat might be justifiable if only you were involved, but your children must be the first consideration. The fact that she will get alimony and child support is too bad, but that’s just the way it goes. If you remain in the marriage, you will still pay to feed and clothe and house the children. If your wife dropped dead tomorrow, you would still continue to pay to support your children. So the child support becomes a moot point. As for the alimony, that’s what the lawyer is for. It the lawyer’s job to present as much evidence as possible that she does not deserve alimony or that she should get as little as possible. But anyway you look at it, the relationship is lost and you just have to suck it up and go on. I say you should divorce her, move on with your life and count yourself lucky it didn’t take 20 years to hit the iceberg.
January 14th, 2010 at 8:56 am
Welcome to the divorce’s nightmare. There are many many many men like you out there. With ex-wives that are not working though they can if they wanted to help support their own kids.
So unfair.
I have one suggestion for you from the bottom of my heart. If you know you are a softy and a kind heart, Do NOT go to mediation. Get a lawyer. Mediation will be cheaper and friendly for the both of you in the short run but a lawyer is cheaper on the long run.
January 14th, 2010 at 8:56 am
yes, it sucks doesn’t it? prove her unfit as a mother, which-depending on the state that you live in, could prove difficult. it is hard in the state of ms for the father to get custody of the children. my husband and i know, we have tried to get custody of his son, proving the mother was unfit time and time again. bipolar is a disease that can be proven unfit in a court of law. maybe you will have better luck then we did.
another point is that you have to think about how much is your happiness worth?