This month marks the one year anniversary for me and my husband. However we seem to have hit rock bottom. At the begining of this year I found out I had PCOS. An infertility problem and we are working on. So not only is this stressing our relationship but my husbands job is a problem for me. He works 10 hour days so he’s gone from 7 am to 7- 7:30 sometimes even 8 pm. I work early mornings to I’m in bed by no later then 9:30. Recently I’ve become so mentally stressed out with dealing with my infertility and also him just not being here. He’s off every Sunday and one day durning the week that’s always changing. Recently I’ve been giving him the cold shoulder when he comes home because I’m sooo mad at him for working so late, I no. It’s beyond his controll but I just feel so much hate towards him for putting us through this. I’ve expessed my concerns and like always he’s sorry. He has a great job gets paid good, but we have no life! It’s gotten to the point were I just ignore him when he comes home because there’s nothing he can say or do that just won’t push me over the edge. So our days consist of seeing each other for an hour or so and no interaction or very minimal. He does make an effort to try and talk to me about it, but no matter what he says things will still be the same. I feel lonely most of the time, to witch he responds that he’s sorry. When we do talk about the time we get together we fight cuz he thinks I want him to quit his job. The only way he can cut his hours at work is if he drops to part time. That we can’t afford and isn’t even an option. I work full time also so I’m home by2:30pm everyday. It seems like my whole day is based around him coming home but when be does come home late, I’m furious, I don’t no whybut I guess I hope he’ll come home early. Am I over reacting? I’m taking a lot of medication right now that has deffinatly has a effect on my mood. I don’t want to be alone while I try and have kids. This is very difficult and emotional experience that I feel like I’m going through alone. I no I’m hard on him by ignoring him the little time I do see him but I want him to feel how I feel, alone and misserable. I no that’s selfish of me but I feel better in a strange way knowing that he feels what I feel everyday. What can I do to change things? I miss my husband so much but I feel like I can’t do anything to fix it. Please help me, any advice is welcomed, thanks.
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February 1st, 2010 at 9:05 am
I am sorry about the PCOS.
Now, ur husband works long hours, but gets paid, there are ppl out there working long hrs and getting paid like crap. Be grateful that he’s bring home good money. Not everyone can work full time and be home at 3:00.
With that said, if you want to see your husband more, tell him to do PT and make the best of no money. There’s not much to tell you, ur being extemely rude and mental with your husband who’s working, not playing poker, getting fat on a bar stool or pissing away his money on stripers and fast food.
And have kids…lady, work on having one first, this planet is over pop’d b/c ppl just feel they have to have more than 1. If you think it will be weird without him now, what’s it going to be like when ur not working and that’s all he’s doing.
It’s hard, I get it, child care, all that crap. That’s why I see these woman with rich husbands and 3 kids and everything is grand…hey, if you rather be rich and alone, great for you. I prefer to be avg and with my friends and loved ones b/c the early years for us, not just a baby are precious.
With that said, u are over reacting.
February 1st, 2010 at 9:05 am
You SERIOUSLY need to seek professional help, before you kill your marriage (if you haven’t already).
It’s petty and childish and STUPID to play the idiotic mindgames that you’re doing, and you’re going to kill your marriage deader than a dodo if you don’t get serious about doing something about it.
Check the benefits package at your job (or his) and see if they offer any sort of EAP (Employee Assistance) or a Behavioral Health plan that covers counselling.
February 1st, 2010 at 9:05 am
And you want to have a baby with him why? Not only are you overreacting, but you are being extremely selfish. He is not working for fun, he is working to help support you and you need to give him support. How is giving him the cold shoulder going to make your time together more pleasant? Why don’t you be a part of the solution? Instead, why don’t each try to find a job with better schedules. Or in this economy, why aren’t you grateful that you have jobs? Until you find jobs with schedules that are more ideal, make the most of the time you have. When you do have time off, enjoy it. Eat, see a movie, have sex! And by all means, get your own life. Get some friends, exercise, get a hobby that you can do with your time alone.
Now for my first question. Why are you trying to have a baby? You can’t handle being by yourself now. How are you going to handle taking care of a baby if you can’t even entertain yourself?
February 1st, 2010 at 9:05 am
Dr Laura has great advice both for fertility and marriage. Men do NOT marry to be celibate. You will lose him if you keep it up. Fake it till you make it…meaning behave as if you are feeling lovingly toward him and eventually it will come back. Quit your job so you aren’t so tired and can be nicer and available when he is around. Hormones will make you crazy and grumpy but do NOT take it out on him, he will run for the hills when he cannot take it anymore. Then you’ll really be depressed. Trust me, a child requires a selfless person, start practicing now-do nice things for him and you’ll feel better when not focused solely on your pain. Read Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage and put it into practice. If you are not willing to do that you don’t deserve him. If you love him, do it-it is totally worth a wonderful marriage. Try renting Fireproof with Kirk Cameron-a good flick about finding love in your marriage again.
February 1st, 2010 at 9:05 am
Look you are his WIFE so act like it! The guy is out working his *** off for his FAMILY! “That would be you by the way” I’m sorry for being so rude buy how about supporting him? When he does come home be happy “not cold” that will get you know where and I feel you about your problem but please the guy wants to have SEX with his wife! if you keep this up he will be pounding some one else and coming home even later.. How about you make an effort to stay up a bit later some times and improve the problem not make it worse? WELL?
February 1st, 2010 at 9:05 am
I have PCOS too. I’m sorry that you’re going through this.
I know that taking hormones have made me really stressed out before, and have made it really hard for me to be my usual self around the people close to me.
Good luck to you.
February 1st, 2010 at 9:05 am
I think you need to understand that the way that your husband shows that he loves you is to work for you. You saidhe works LONG hours and gets home late, but maybe that is his way of expressing his love, its called “Acts of Service”. Sometimes its hard to hear or see the things he does to show his love because you two seem to be on different wwavelengths I am sure that your Infertility issue causes an emotional sstrainon both of you, but you cant let it get between you. My advice to you both: Read the book “Love Languages” and find out how each one of you “speaks and hears” love. It will do amazing things when you realize how to show your love for him, and he will strive to show you love in the way that you will best rreceiveit. Lastly, another book, The Love Dare. If you are up for a truly amazing challenge to cause change in your marriage, then this is the book. But ddon’tlet him know you are reading it.(that is the point) Please feel free to email me if i can help in any other way.
February 1st, 2010 at 9:05 am
Sounds like you are not getting your Love Tank filled, the feeling of being Loved
There is a real good book that has all about “how to fill your love tanks” get it or download the audio and read it ….The Five Love Languages by Garry Chapman. You will learn what you need to do to make you and your partner feel loved and that is what’s usually missing from relationships
Remember we mostly attract and marry opposites, I think it’s a genetic thing?
What we see in others is a reflection of what is going on inside ourselves. Learn to forgive him and accept him/her, warts and all.. That’s how we learn and grow. What can you learn from the things that make you feel annoyed. Have a good day!