hi,first thanks for reading,i am a 39 year old lady with 4 big children ages 22,21,20.14 and a 12 yr old step daughter only the youngest 2 live with me.i met my husband in 2006 everything was great and in 2007 his then 9 year old daughter came to live with us everything continued to be ok,then in 2008 we decided to marry,we had a lovely wedding and catered for both families as i am a white lady and my hubby is a black man,after we married we decided we wanted try for a baby so we went to a private clinic and i had a sterilisation reversal done in may 2009,in july 2009 i had a ectopic pregnancy and one of my tubes removed,after this i noticed a change in my hubby and i found out he had been advertising himself on dating sites,when i confronted him he told me he never intended to go behind my back he just needed someone to talk to although i didnt believe him we madi it up.in october i got pregnant again but unfotuatly another ectpic and my other tube removed,at this stage i was gutted and felt a failure to my husband and was scared due to the last time it happened he went on dating sites,eventually we sat and talked and are supposed to be saving for ivf,my husband was made redundant last year in february and as found a new job this week,at the moment my 14 year old daughter is playing up at school and at home and today he sent me a text sayin that when my kid are naughty they get away with it but when his daughter is naughty she gets punished and he is sick of it,he also suggests that i buy my daughters clothes and sort her out and he will sort hisown daughter out,ever since his daughter came to live with me i have put up with hell,when she first come live with us it was because her mum disowned her for making a allergation to the police that wasnt true about her mum and her mums partner,then over the past couple of years shes been in trouble at school,theiving,telling continous lies.ive found my pictures in her bedroom ripped up when she carnt have her way but ive put up with all this and seen it through on my own and now shes calmed down her dad sees that only my child is the only problem. i feel so upset and dont know what to do when i ask him do you think we should get a divorce as we always arguing he tells me do whatever i want and thats the answer to most questions when i ask or he says its up to you,so then i forget i ever mentioned divorce,i feel stuck as i dont mix with anyone i just stay home and look after the kids ,cook and keep the house clean also my 5 year old grandaughter lives with me and as done for the past 15 months due to problemssi see myself as a good mum and all my hubby says is i need to change but i carnt see why or where all i can see is he is in the wrong,hes just a greedy selfish man.advice please xxx
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February 9th, 2010 at 8:55 am
Have you told you husband about your step daughters attitude toward you? Also, how do you know the allegations your step daughter made against her biological mother and step father are false? She could have been traumatized as a child from bad parenting on her mothers part, which is why she acts out in theft, and breaking the law. If you ask me, she seems lonely. Maybe you should try being a mother to her, treat her like your own daughter instead of your competition. As for your husband, he sound’s like a lost cause. It looks to me as if he uses his daughter just to bother you, and by him not completely panicking and begging you not to file for divorce it’s quite obvious he doesn’t care all too much about your marriage considering he was on dating websites. Trust me, there is nothing an internet hoochie can tell him as a “friend” that his very own wife can’t tell him. If you love him, maybe you two should take a little break from each other. Explore your options, as he has been exploring his evidently. I’m assuming, the reason you miss carried your two pregnancy’s was simply because your husband or something specific was overwhelming you which can make you lose your fetus and I am sorry for your loss once again
that is a tragedy indeed that you went through that but you don’t have a good husband…I don’t think he’s a good anything. I think he uses his very own daughter against you, and that he wants to see other people. Good luck, with whatever decision you decide to make. xox
February 9th, 2010 at 8:55 am
Run while you still can.
February 9th, 2010 at 8:55 am
ha, your no longer the trophy white girl. wow, get away from him and his cheating ways. dont kid yourself, he’s been screwing any woman he can for awhile now. the dating sites should have been your first clue. sorry to sound so brash but really, you know all of this!
February 9th, 2010 at 8:55 am
Even though this may sound hard to you, I think you need to use him. Obviously he makes good money to be able to support you and all those kids. I agree with the first responder, I do believe he is screwing anything that walks on 2 legs. If I were you, I would act like I don’t know anything about the “possible cheating” , cater to him, make him think that you think he’s the best thing ever and then bring up the subject about going back to school. You need to educate yourself and become an independent woman. Use him to educate yourself, have him pay for it and at least you’ll have a place to live and stay while your in school. You need to not rely on men. Also, if his daughter screws up (is naughty) leave it up to him to punish her and the same thing with your kids. Just let him deal with his daughter, use him for his money to educate yourself, and then get the hell out of there. Then tell him how you really felt & that he is a loser.
February 9th, 2010 at 8:55 am
First off I’m sorry about the ecptoic’s. My wife is an RN at a private clinic and it happens now and then and is very sad. I’m sorry to hear about that. It just goes to show how dedicated you are to having another child. I think your husband is or has been unfaithful with this dating website. It’s an online meat market and if your married you just don’t do that crap anymore. It’s basically going to a bar and trollin for chicks. I think it’s wrong and he needs to either man up and quit that for sure or the marriage needs to end. It’s all up to you though. But if he’s not taking the marriage seriously then why waste your time and life on it? Again I’m sooo very sorry this happened to you. Life is precious and I tell you what I really respect the patients that go to my wife’s work because I think if they are going to go through so much effort and money to have a child I think and hope that they’d be good parents.
February 9th, 2010 at 8:55 am
if your really not happy then just leave. why continue to stay and be miserable all the time? if you want to sort it out then just write your hubby a letter telling him how you feel or make an appointment with a counselor because sometimes its easier talking to a stranger. But don’t stay miserable you don’t deserve it