I’ve been married for a little over a year now. My husband was not a christian before dating, and tried to do all that he could to “win me over” which included lying about himself and “pretended” to be so interested in God. I had many signs that show that God did not want me to marry him, but for some reason I overlooked those signs perhaps because I didn’t want to see them and I was so afraid of being alone. I was also going through a very traumatic, emotional time in my life. Well, we married and shortly after I realized that my husband had an addiction to video games. I believe it’s great to have your own interests and hobbies, but he would do it for hours every day. It was all he thought about and he would even forget to eat and sometimes wouldn’t sleep. He wouldn’t take any responsibility to do what needed to be done. He very rarely would go to bed with me or even make love to me and we were newlyweds!!! Once in a great while, if I got angry enough, he would then decide he should have “sex” with me and after wards would sometimes say, “there, see i love u” or “there, u should be good now” and off he’d go to the games again. He would also ignore me and only talk to me if he was telling me about his games or football. If I ever had anything to say, he would never show interest…even when he was away from the game. Also, he all of a sudden, after marriage, showed no interest in God or going to church with me and later admitted that he wasn’t into it like I was. Before marriage, he acted like he would like to have children with me, but I found out after marriage, that he doesn’t want to have children. This all went on for, well 12 months of my marriage… a whole year!!! I tried many times to talk with him about it all and he would either say nothing at all and go back to the games or say “yea” or shrug and say, “sorry” and walk off. He would do this even when I kept telling him that if things stayed the way they were, then I wanted out of the marriage. I felt like I was just a piece of furniture to him or a “prize” that he won and forgot about. Just within the last 2 months, he has decided to try because I was extremely close to getting divorce papers. He now tries to listen and pay attention to me once in awhile, but the problem is that’s it’s a little late. I feel that God has helped me to forgive my husband, though it still hurts a lot, but I feel I have grown so far away from him and I don’t trust him. I don’t like him touching me at all.The biggest thing that haunts me is that I was not in God’s will when I married. I’ve been praying a lot about all of this and I keep feeling like God want’s me to get out of the marriage because it was not something that He brought together. I would really appreciate advice on whether or not it’s ok to divorce if the marriage was outside of God’s will and if the husband lied about who he was. Thanks so much.
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July 13th, 2010 at 8:54 am
While you marriage is salvageable it depend on whether you even want to. He would have to manifest a desire for change and I am not sure I see anything in your story that shows anything more than a immature baby rather than a man.
Deception to get a woman to enter into marriage makes the whole process a sham and invalid. The law require the those marrying no only understand what is required but have the capacity to enter into such relationship. You husband knew that you believed the biblical advice not to be yoked with unbelievers so he lied, he deceived you knowing he had no intention of being a Christian head of your family. Further he knew his addiction prevented him from acting as he would need to to fulfill his obligations in the marriage.
I think you not only had Biblical grounds for divorce but for annulment of the marriage if that is your desire.
Please ignore those who say you must stay in this marriage - YOU DO NOT! The bible has many examples of separation on the basis of beliefs being different. I suggest you separate and if he is seriously willing to consider changing and winning you back then he is welcome to try. You do not need to sacrifice your soul’s desire for following God’s word on the basis of a marriage entered into with false promises form your partner. Anyone who says otherwise is not providing Godly counsel.
July 13th, 2010 at 8:54 am
Marriage is a holy sacrament, although you may feel there were signs that you overlooked, it could also be they were signs that you were the path to your husbands salvation and the true path to finding his Lord. Now your husband is trying to listen, it would seem that it is not the time to turn away from your husbands touch. Go forth and procreate are stated firmly in the scriptures. You are second guessing God’s will if you are letting the choice to marry haunt you, he would have not lead you down this path if it was not what was meant to be. Have faith, we all have doubts at times, but it is not our place to question what the Lord has given us as our lot in life. You can find peace of mind knowing he has trusted you to help another find their true faith.
July 13th, 2010 at 8:54 am
Dear Friend,
Everyone longs to give himself completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian says,
No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me alone, until giving yourself totally to Me, to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone, discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me, exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing - one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things, keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM! Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
You just wait, that’s all. Don’t be anxious. Don’t look at the things you want. You just keep looking off and up to Me or you’ll miss what I want to show you.
And then when you are ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could dream of. You see, until you are ready ( I am working even this moment to have both of you ready at the same time) until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and this perfect love.
And Dear one, I want you to have the most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relation with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer you with Myself. Know that I love you utterly. I am the Almighty God.
Believe it and be satisfied.
*hope this helps : )
July 13th, 2010 at 8:54 am
God wants you to be happy. The “rules” set by the Church are interpetations of God’s will. At the same time, as a Christian, you need to look inside yourself and hear what God is saying to you. If you feel that this marriage happened under false pretenses, deception, then you need to break free before you have children. Bringing children into a home without loving, committed parents is the least Christian thing you can do. Go speak with a couples therapist. It would be easy to say go speak with a priest or pastor, but for now you need to speak with someone removed from the church and seek advice based on how you are feeling and not what other’s interpet you should do.
If you are not happy, then how can you celebrate the Lord? Do what your heart tells you.
July 13th, 2010 at 8:54 am
No matter when any church doctrine says, I have never believed that God wants us to suffer in a bad marriage. You need to be happy to fulfill the life that God wants you to and you cannot do it with any immature, irresponsible person like your husband is. You can forgive your husband, but you must also forgive yourself for making such a terrible mistake by thinking he is a mature man. He sounds very selfish and self-centered and God does NOT want to punish you with a life like you have now. Be brave and get away from him.
July 13th, 2010 at 8:54 am
I am 20 years old and going through a divorce myself and let me just say that I would never wish this on anyone. I understand that every couple has problems, but this is not within biblical grounds to get divorced. I know you are at your end’s wits and want to be done, but please don’t give up. With God, all things are possible. I would suggest seeing a christian counselor by yourself and the 2 of you. Also, if you can, pick up a copy of a book called “Love & Respect” It is written by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and it is a wonderful christian “eye opener” book that will def. help in this situation. I picked up a copy after my husband left me and it helped me understand things I couldn’t before. Now things with us did not work out and it is very sad. My heart breaks for yours because I understand how giving up seems like the easy way out, but when it’s reversed on you, you really understand how it’s not. Divorce is never an option is God’s eyes, with the exception of adultery. You made a commitment to be with your spouse through better or worse and this is worse. You should stick by his side no matter what. Please continue to pray about this because God can do miracles. Seek some christian counseling before doing anything you’ll regret. Hope this helps.
July 13th, 2010 at 8:54 am
hi im tony…. listen just because you did not listen to the obious signs and you did what you wanted you need to understand that it is not Gods will for you to divorce. jesus said you could be divorced if adultery happened but it was best if you had the will and heart to frogive to do so. in my personal view you have done and are used to do as you please, now just because things are not goin as you want, you are upset and resentfull i am sorry to tell you but the boy you merried well is well in sight but you, well you need to understand that you are also a lil girl in a whole different level and you need to come to terms with yourself and see yourself as who you are and how you have been. then only then you and youre husband may stop pulling youre own ways. read 1corinthians 13:4 to 8 to me you have both acted selfish thinking only of what makes each self happy and not concentrating on what makes the other happy. nothing comes easy if you want love to be experience you need to work for it and be willing to give it all you got to save it if not walk away and never again merry because you will allways go through the same thing again. before you enjoy a good and nice pair of shoes you need to brake them in right?
July 13th, 2010 at 8:54 am
Yes, it’s ok to divorce because he committed fraud by misrepresenting himself to you. You entered the marriage based on his fraudulent misrepresentations. Just like any other contract, if fraud is discovered, the contract can be revoked. Adultery is not the only reason you may divorce; if that were true, women would stay with men who beat them. God doesn’t want you to be a doormat. This relationship will only get worse; divorce is rough, but once you get through it, you’ll still be young enough to find a loving, Christian mate
July 13th, 2010 at 8:54 am
I think God would want you to make the best of this marriage if you can. Ask your husband to go to a marriage counselor with you or a clergyman. Get your feelings out into the open and urge your new husband to do likewise. There seems to be more problems than religion in this marriage. Think this over very carefully before you jump to any decision. God Be With You!!
July 13th, 2010 at 8:54 am
Stop blaming god you made a poor decision by marrying this guy,
He’s selfish & immature & lied to you.
July 13th, 2010 at 8:54 am
Marriage was sanctified by God as a holy bonding between a man and a woman. You should read the Bible and pray on this, and even go to your pastor, priest, or whoever is the head of your church and talk with him about this. The man you married doesn’t sound like a man but a kid stuck in a mans body. It sounds like you have put a great deal of thought into this and you should pray about whatever decision you want to make, and listen to the head of your church.
Good luck
-Billy
July 13th, 2010 at 8:54 am
no no listen, i am sure i am old enough to be your mom, i am Christian and married to a man for 24 yrs, but lately he is mean and won’t even come home but no, i cannot divorce him unless he commits adultery. Only for adultery–no matter what anyone here says, [of course if he hurts you God wants you to go to a safe place.] You took vows before God even if it was in a court house, God hates divorce. Go for solid spiritual counseling, see a good pastor. He will not always and forever play his games, this is my opinion about games.
Learn Godly patience, find a hobby, buy a pet. Get into a bible preaching church.