My Wife says shes not happy and wants to work on our friendship some more. she also wants to see other people and is currently having inappropriate conversations with people online and all. i want this to work she says she needs space but i feel like if i give it to her the unthinkable gonna happen
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July 26th, 2009 at 8:55 am
From your question it doesn’t sound like she is particularly trying to work on your relationship it sounds like her needs/wants are coming way before the health of the marriage. So, you can “not give her space” and she is going to do what she wants to do or you can give her space and she is going to do the exact same thing.
It depends on what you decide is best for you. It sounds a bit like a lose/lose situation for you so I would suggest you try to figure out what is ultimately better for you and what would make you happy. Forcing someone to stay in a relationship that they don’t want to be in isn’t good for either party involved. And there is a small possibility that separation can help things but when you say the unthinkable is going to happen I think separating is just going to be delaying the inevitable.
Sometimes no matter how much we want things to work they just aren’t able to.
July 26th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Last time I heard a story like that was shortly before my first wife left. There is nothing much you can do. Express your dislike of the thought of bringing someone else into the picture and how being friendly is not enough to improve the relationship. But give her the space to decide what she may after you have made your feelings apparent. Then wait and see. It puts the feelings up front and the boundaries that you are willing to go to, Be completely honest and be very nice to her when the discussion happens. Don’t judge and don’t be all sappy. Just be yourself. No special talent needed. Then take care of yourself. Expect the worst, but accept whatever she decides. It may turn out well. But, you can not force the issue. Its her decision. Watch your bank account. Just some advice so you don’t end up destitute on payday. It happens.
July 26th, 2009 at 8:55 am
You are in an impossible and confusing situation. She is your wife - wants to work on friendship? “wants to see other people and is currently having inappropriate conversations with people online and all” What is “and all”. Even if you don’t give her space - the unthimkable is already happening. Better get your priorities right, discuss and sort out, before it is too late (It is already slipping though).Best of luck
July 26th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Wow! that is a toughie. I can’t say what you should do. but what I would do is compromise. Let her have some space. tell her that you want it to work out but seeing other people will in no way help your marraige. If she wants to work on your “friendship” she needs to talk to you not guys online.
Don’t let her make you beg to be with her though either. I would not put up with that crap for a second. Let her know that if she wants to see other people then you can’t be together. Letting her get away with that will only make her think that either you don’t care or that she can get away with anything.
put your foot down.
it can only be one way…. either the two of you work it out or you split up. don’t let yourself sit around and put up with something like that.
July 26th, 2009 at 8:55 am
she wants to work on the friendship right? well, as a friend, tell her that you are afraid that if you give her the space this unthinkable is going to happen and tell her how you would feel if it did..
and if shes talking to people inapporpriately already.. i think she is having second thoughts about you.
be prepared.. and dont be too weak to leave. dont let her cheat and forgive her when she gets it out of her system, she’ll do it again.
July 26th, 2009 at 8:55 am
As long as these other people are people that she’s willing to let you hang out with as well… I don’t see a problem. But if she never wants you to hang out with these other people, than she’s most likely cheating on you and you should get a divorce.
Any time she is wasting time on the internet chatting with other people, why don’t you ask her if she wants to go out for some sort of activity.
July 26th, 2009 at 8:55 am
that is not acceptable. married and wanna see other people?? there is 2 answer for that! maybe you don’t treat her better or not give what she want for sex or connection.or problems related to your side. second maybe she likes open marriage. talk to her and tell her how you feel and know how big space ” how many guys space”she wants? ask her what she wants and tell her what you want and try to work. if not i really cant see future in you guys!
July 26th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Sorry dude…my wife left me..TODAY…(OK…I knew it was coming…we had discussed it…but it still came as a shock when she told me she had rented an apartment and then left)
So I am probably not the person to answer this question.
July 26th, 2009 at 8:55 am
This can be tough during relationships, but just give your wife the space she needs right now, sooner she’ll come around. But I wouldn’t introduce new people to your relationship if it were me. Maybe treat her to a romantic night out?
Hope I helped.
July 26th, 2009 at 8:55 am
well then you have to put your foot down and say you want it to work but seeing other people has to stop. try a session with a marriage counsiler seeing other people is gonna wreck the marriage
July 26th, 2009 at 8:56 am
Can’t offer Good advice because I don’t know the specific problem. If you want to save your marriage, I can tell you how. I accept e-mail.
July 26th, 2009 at 8:56 am
If you truly Love someone, some times you just have to let them go.
They may come back, they may not.
The real question is can you be happy if she is not or vice-versa?
July 26th, 2009 at 8:56 am
By her actions it sure doesn’t sound like she wants to work on your marriage if she is having inappropriate conversations with people online and wants to see other people.
July 26th, 2009 at 8:56 am
I see you aren’t listening…it’s already happened. She’s seeing other people…so let her go and get on with your life. If she was happy, none of it would have happened.
July 26th, 2009 at 8:56 am
back off , if she wants space give it to her.
July 26th, 2009 at 8:56 am
you might want to try seperating for a little bit
July 26th, 2009 at 8:56 am
mate she has flip out .. let her go.. and then its up to you..