Me and husband just moved to his home town. He got out of the Army and we are use to being separated. We are not getting along at all. It been so hard..we both say immature things and i act emotional because my emtional needs are not being met..Its getting so bad i just want to serparate but that cant be the answer…can it? HELP!!!!
MARRIED for 5 yrs 1 kid
I Need Some Good Marriage Advice?
14 Responses
Leave a Comment
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 am
This is very similar to when a man retires. There’s a readjusting period.
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
Dr. Laura Schlessingerhttp://search.barnesandnoble.com/Proper-…
The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage
Dr. Laura Schlessingerhttp://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Pro…
Woman Power: Transform Your Man, Your Marriage, Your Life
Dr. Laura Schlessingerhttp://search.barnesandnoble.com/Woman-P…
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 am
I am in a great 20 year marriage. My wife is awesome.
The best marriages work well because the Wives step up and act mature. You have more power because he wants sex from you more then you do from him, and you are also emotionally stronger then he is.
As the more powerful person - you need to start fixing things. Step 1: Take care of his physical needs and be specific about what you want him to do for him. DON’T say “my emotional needs aren’t being met” and deny him sex until you are happy - that is NOT what the stronger partner does. Once you stop “bickering” you can use your greater powers to gradually train him to do what you want. I am not being funny here, over time if you learn how to run the show, he really will work hard to meet your needs. You just need to be a bit patient.
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 am
Well ou can both sit down and write a letter to eachother about how you feel. Sometimes that will help.
You can go to a marriage counselor.
You have to much time invested in your marriage to just give up try everything you can think of so you never wonder what if!
Maybe you can go back to school just to have a little get away time or take up a hobby outside of the house.
Just remind eachother how much you love one another and whant it to work!
Seperation and divorce should always be the last thing on your mind unless your in a abusive relationship!
Find ways to have seperate times apart and special nights together! GoodLuck
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 am
When you are a military spouse you get used to your husband always being gone. So you get into habits of always doing things the way you want them done, and the you fall in to your own routine. So when the husband leaves the service or is home for an extended period of time, you can’t seem to agree on anything. I suggest you give it time, and try to work it out. What you are going through can pass, and you can get back to having a healthy happy marriage. When my husband first comes back from being out to sea, we fight for at least a good month or two. Then we fall into the swing of working together again and things go back to normal until the next deployment. It is a vicious little circle. Just keeping pushing forward! Good luck.
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 am
People assume that a husband will go to counseling. Many won’t. And it gets very expensive going to counseling and trying to find a good one that is worth your time and money.
First of all, put aside time to do fun things together, to just relax and get to know each other again. Go mini-golfing or to a funny movie, or rent funny movies. Make life as fun as possible so that the tension will ease up.
You say your emotional needs aren’t being met. Men aren’t created to meet our emotional needs. They aren’t like us and never will be. If you need a shoulder to cry on, that’s what friends are for.
Just be patient and try not to be demanding. He is trying to readjust to civilian life. While he’s been gone, it was up to you to run the household and make all the decisions, and now you have to learn to give some of that up. So just keep in mind that changes don’t happen overnight. Be patient with him and with yourself. Try hard to laugh more and be playful instead of fuming over little things.
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 am
Part of the task we take on when we marry is to help heal the childhood wounds of our partner. Your partner may also have bigger wounds from his time in the service. If you have insurance call the number on the back of your card for mental health counseling and find out where you can get counseling. If he wont go you go alone. as you get healthier the relationship will get healthier. or call the VA and find out if there is counseling available. Every county has a mental health/drug and alcohol board that provides funding on a sliding fee scale at a community mental health center you can look in your local phone book or you can call the local suicide
hotline for information on your community resources.( tell them right off that you are not suicidal) and remember to try to always respond with love. good luck
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 am
Your the only one who can answer this..I would give it a year of living together again before considering a separation..make a list of everything you feel unhappy about and put it away for a few days and then re-read it..maybe you will notice there are some things you can work on that will make the situation better. Sometimes seeing things in black and white can help put things into perspective and give you a clear picture of what the problem really is. Consider therapy. Good Luck
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 am
I have to agree with the others that counseling is the right answer. He has been away, you need to learn to be together. It’s not easy living with someone! You obviously need to fall in love again! A counselor can help you learn to appreciate each other and communicate better.
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 am
Maybe it is because both of you expect too much from each other too soon. Take things easy and slowly, one day at a time. Miracles don’t happen overnight. Try to be more patient with each other and go easy on yourselves and on each other.
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 am
Only one thing, PRAYER. also, write down what you like about him& what you dont like about him.Ask him to do the same.Sit down talk about it, and try to take a few things off the list, work on it.
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 am
COUNSELING!
Things changed, and you need help getting used to the changes. A counselor can teach you to deal with issues in a constructive way.
Good luck.
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 am
you just have to learn to like each other again.
try being friends by doing things you both enjoy and talking about things when your needs arent being met, be very open too.
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 am
change is always hard give it some time for yall to adjust to each other and as long as no one is cheating fight for your marriage
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 am
Get counseling.