My husband and I are both stubborn and strong-willed, and it makes for terrible compromising. We come from drastically different families, too. Any advice for finding the compromise?
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My husband and I are both stubborn and strong-willed, and it makes for terrible compromising. We come from drastically different families, too. Any advice for finding the compromise?
November 5th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Shouldn’t you two have given that some sort of consideration BEFORE you two got married, and worked through the difficulties then? My advice is to now work seriously hard on your communication skills. Get help to do so, if you need it.
That means you need to learn to be able to put your point of view without yelling, name calling, being argumentative, or bringing up past incidents that have nothing to do with the current one. And then you need to be able to not just listen to the other’s point of view, but to actually hear and understand what they are saying, and the feelings behind the words.
You have to think to yourself, which is more important - to be right all the time, or to be happily married (and that goes for the BOTH of you)?
You have to be able to ask yourself is this a deal breaker, or is there room for compromise here?
You have to ask yourself what is the reason behind the stubbornness? Worried that the other will have/has more control? Is one of you feeling threatened by the others position? Is one feeling unloved, unappreciated, insecure, or just being inconsiderate? Why is it so important to both of you that it be the other who gives in?
Is there some issue of self esteem that needs to be worked on?
If you fail to work on this, chances are your marriage will fail too.
November 5th, 2009 at 8:55 am
How about being less stubborn?
Actually I’d say the key is to listen to each other more. That means real listening. Shut up. Listen to what they say. Paraphrase what you understand. If you both do that you’ll find amazing results.
November 5th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Compromising means giving up something you really want for something else. The next time around, hubby gives up something he really wants for something else.
Example: You want to go to Florida on vacation. Hubby wants to go to Alaska. What do you do? This year you guys go to Alaska and the next year you go to Florida.
Give in sometimes because you might be surprised with the results. You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar!
November 5th, 2009 at 8:55 am
I always get a thumbs down for this. But my wife and I both formally recognize that she has authority in the home. I obey her and, while my opinions on things are heard, her decisions are final. This avoids all conflict because there is resolution to everything.