Relationship Advice

with marriage id have to say “dont go to bed angry” but with parenting….im not in that boat yet so no ones gave me any good advice

He asks?

Can I get my interest in him sparked again/ We have had a lot of issues in our early marriage regarding his forsaking my needs to lease others, and not shall I say repsecting privacy in marriage, but nothing too serious I guess like having affairs. But still i have completely lost interest in having sex with him. I still do, to please him but get nothing from it really. someone said it might be post partum depression, but my baby is now 2 years old and I have a sex drive but don;t fancy him. what can I do?

I’ve been married to my husband for 4 1/2 years. From about after our first year of marriage to our 3 1/2 years of being married we always would fight. We never got along and he would be so rude to me when he talked to me. The ONLY time he would EVER be nice is when he wanted to get a piece. I dont know what to do cause now I’m questioning if I even want to be married anymore. He’s been fine since last july but that is because he has been gone over seas since then so that is the only reason we are doing better now. But I know how he is and he says he’ll change his ways but honestly believe he wont and I dont know what to do.

I am getting married in October this is the 2nd marriage for me and my fiance. He has 2 daughters from his previous and I don’t have any. Neither of us had a “real” wedding last time and we really want to this time. Is there anything that I shouldn’t do this time considering it is our 2nd? I have never got to plan a wedding so I am totally new at this and with it being the 2nd for both of us I am completely confused as to what is the “right” thing to do. I am open to any suggestions ya’ll may have for me. I just want to make sure it is nice but I don’t want to offend anyone either. HELP!!!

I have been married for two years. I love my husband very much. He has been physically abusive since four months after we got married. I know i’m not easy to live with, but i don’t physically hurt him in any way. Their is no cheating going on between us. My husband is like a teddy bear most of the time, but he exploads when arguments get heated. He hits me every week, and its just getting worse and worse. He always says he is sorry, and has agreed to take anger managment classes. We are going to start marriage counseling, but this has been going on for nearly two years. Should I call it quits or should i try and stay.

Yes, I am that desperate. I have been married for seven years. Not once, has he remembered our anniversary, my birthday, or anything. we have three kids, whom I love dearly and their the reason I stay. The oldest is 6 and my youngest is 15 months with a seizure disorder. He uses tells me “I only married you because you were pregnant.” The other day, I found the following searches, our city dates, our city companions, wells, nevada prostitutes. He says he just goes to look at the girls, but, it makes me not trust him.I have tried to get him into counsling to no avail. Problem is, he doesn want the responsibilitys of being married, just all the control. He is also an over hte roader if that matters. I just need any advice. I get back in his face, he walks out, I shut up and hes in my face. whats going on here??

Please only answer if you are a Christian. My husband has been addicted to pornography for over a decade and we have been married for a year and a half. He has not stopped pornography at all since we have been married. When I say pornography I mean DVDs, internet, meeting people online cyber sex, chat rooms etc. I don’t think he has ever met anyone in real life although Im not sure about it. The other day I made a fake facebook account and sent him messages and he responded within a minute. I’m worried because in some of the chat rooms Im not sure if he’s talking to girls that are of age yet. Also, my first laptop crashed because of a virus from porn that he put on it and i was so upset because the laptop was a graduation gift from my parents. We’ve also had huge phone bills at times from when he does stuff on the phone instead of online or a movie. This affects our sex life and our marriage in general tremendously. I just can’t have sex with him after I find out about it, at least for a day or two. Although he recognizes it as sin, he really has no intention of quitting. He says he does but he always says it will probably keep happening, and that he wishes he could go back and not marry me since i have such a problem with it. He will not go to counseling or talk to one of our pastors about it. He also doesn’t want me to speak to someone alone. Is this considered adultery? Do I have biblical grounds to divorce him? I really want out of this marriage but I have never believed in divorce unless it would be acceptable in God’s eyes.

hi,first thanks for reading,i am a 39 year old lady with 4 big children ages 22,21,20.14 and a 12 yr old step daughter only the youngest 2 live with me.i met my husband in 2006 everything was great and in 2007 his then 9 year old daughter came to live with us everything continued to be ok,then in 2008 we decided to marry,we had a lovely wedding and catered for both families as i am a white lady and my hubby is a black man,after we married we decided we wanted try for a baby so we went to a private clinic and i had a sterilisation reversal done in may 2009,in july 2009 i had a ectopic pregnancy and one of my tubes removed,after this i noticed a change in my hubby and i found out he had been advertising himself on dating sites,when i confronted him he told me he never intended to go behind my back he just needed someone to talk to although i didnt believe him we madi it up.in october i got pregnant again but unfotuatly another ectpic and my other tube removed,at this stage i was gutted and felt a failure to my husband and was scared due to the last time it happened he went on dating sites,eventually we sat and talked and are supposed to be saving for ivf,my husband was made redundant last year in february and as found a new job this week,at the moment my 14 year old daughter is playing up at school and at home and today he sent me a text sayin that when my kid are naughty they get away with it but when his daughter is naughty she gets punished and he is sick of it,he also suggests that i buy my daughters clothes and sort her out and he will sort hisown daughter out,ever since his daughter came to live with me i have put up with hell,when she first come live with us it was because her mum disowned her for making a allergation to the police that wasnt true about her mum and her mums partner,then over the past couple of years shes been in trouble at school,theiving,telling continous lies.ive found my pictures in her bedroom ripped up when she carnt have her way but ive put up with all this and seen it through on my own and now shes calmed down her dad sees that only my child is the only problem. i feel so upset and dont know what to do when i ask him do you think we should get a divorce as we always arguing he tells me do whatever i want and thats the answer to most questions when i ask or he says its up to you,so then i forget i ever mentioned divorce,i feel stuck as i dont mix with anyone i just stay home and look after the kids ,cook and keep the house clean also my 5 year old grandaughter lives with me and as done for the past 15 months due to problemssi see myself as a good mum and all my hubby says is i need to change but i carnt see why or where all i can see is he is in the wrong,hes just a greedy selfish man.advice please xxx

Hi everyone, I’m a Y!A lurker but I finally decided to cave in & join
Basically, to introduce myself: I’m 21 yrs old & I’m about to graduate university in May. I plan on teaching ELA (English Language Arts) & will be certified at the grades 4-8 level. I don’t know if any of you know this but a good friend of mine & I (she’s female too) were discussing marriage in the Black community. She is a Business major & is going to Law school right afterwards, she is very career-oriented & I am very family-oriented.
I want to marry & have children, & she would rather adopt 1 child & travel the world. At the same time, she has more world experience than I do (she’s been all over). My parents are immigrants from Trinidad & are pretty traditional for the most part.
I’ve dated many guys before, & many of these guys haven’t been black. Not that that is a huge issue, but I have not yet had a serious relationship. It’s just that one of my biggest fears is being a part of that unmarried black woman statistic. I mean, I will be teaching, I’m very friendly, reserved (at first), love to have fun, & I’m a very simple girl. I’ve had men dangle money at me before but I refused taking money from them…
Can anyone offer any words of encouragement??
this is what I look like in case you were curious:http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/hh117…

Yes, I am that desperate. I have been married for seven years. Not once, has he remembered our anniversary, my birthday, or anything. we have three kids, whom I love dearly and their the reason I stay. The oldest is 6 and my youngest is 15 months with a seizure disorder. He uses tells me “I only married you because you were pregnant.” The other day, I found the following searches, our city dates, our city companions, wells, nevada prostitutes. He says he just goes to look at the girls, but, it makes me not trust him.I have tried to get him into counsling to no avail. Problem is, he doesn want the responsibilitys of being married, just all the control. He is also an over hte roader if that matters. I just need any advice. I get back in his face, he walks out, I shut up and hes in my face. whats going on here??

my boyfriend and I are in are early 20’s, we have been dating for almost 2 months … he jokes about marriage a lot and once while we were on the couch said “so when are we getting married” he laughed and i laughed and made a wierd face …then he said ” i only said that cause i was thinking about my cousins wedding and it reminded me” …” he also said ” i want a girl first and then we can have a boy”
is he joking or serious …this has happened about 2 other times

This month marks the one year anniversary for me and my husband. However we seem to have hit rock bottom. At the begining of this year I found out I had PCOS. An infertility problem and we are working on. So not only is this stressing our relationship but my husbands job is a problem for me. He works 10 hour days so he’s gone from 7 am to 7- 7:30 sometimes even 8 pm. I work early mornings to I’m in bed by no later then 9:30. Recently I’ve become so mentally stressed out with dealing with my infertility and also him just not being here. He’s off every Sunday and one day durning the week that’s always changing. Recently I’ve been giving him the cold shoulder when he comes home because I’m sooo mad at him for working so late, I no. It’s beyond his controll but I just feel so much hate towards him for putting us through this. I’ve expessed my concerns and like always he’s sorry. He has a great job gets paid good, but we have no life! It’s gotten to the point were I just ignore him when he comes home because there’s nothing he can say or do that just won’t push me over the edge. So our days consist of seeing each other for an hour or so and no interaction or very minimal. He does make an effort to try and talk to me about it, but no matter what he says things will still be the same. I feel lonely most of the time, to witch he responds that he’s sorry. When we do talk about the time we get together we fight cuz he thinks I want him to quit his job. The only way he can cut his hours at work is if he drops to part time. That we can’t afford and isn’t even an option. I work full time also so I’m home by2:30pm everyday. It seems like my whole day is based around him coming home but when be does come home late, I’m furious, I don’t no whybut I guess I hope he’ll come home early. Am I over reacting? I’m taking a lot of medication right now that has deffinatly has a effect on my mood. I don’t want to be alone while I try and have kids. This is very difficult and emotional experience that I feel like I’m going through alone. I no I’m hard on him by ignoring him the little time I do see him but I want him to feel how I feel, alone and misserable. I no that’s selfish of me but I feel better in a strange way knowing that he feels what I feel everyday. What can I do to change things? I miss my husband so much but I feel like I can’t do anything to fix it. Please help me, any advice is welcomed, thanks.

So my husband was on website looking at other women, I asked him not to go on the site anymore but he still did. So one day after coming home, I see he was on the site again, because everything you click remains purple, so I decide to give him a taste of his own medicine. I went on the site and looked under women looking for men, I checked out a lot of pics, and did not erase the computer history. I than went about my day. A few days later he must of logged on to the site, browsing again, and saw I was on there…lol. Of course he got mad, even though he says he is not mad, he keeps ignoring me. I explained the whole motive to him but yet he is still ignoring me, we have been married for ten years, I love him with all my heart, we have 2 kids, I can’t talk to my friends about it because they are man bashers. I really just want to make up and not fight anymore, but he is still ignoring me, he won’t talk to me, he won’t answer my calls. I need advice

I am a 17 yr old punjabi girl who lives in the US and i really love this guy so much to death and we have been together for more then a yr and i want to marry him and he wants to marry me but the problem is he is not the same caste as me. I am rajput and he is a Chumar and my parents probably wont allow us to get married bc of our caste differences. I don’t know what to do so if anyone has any advice i would kindly appreciate it. I also wanted to now if caste should matter at all in love or not? and does the caste system still run in india or not still today?

ive been with my husband for 4 years married 2 years outta those 4. anyway a year ago my mother in law got in the middle of a big fight we had.she took his side and basically told me off that i was no good for him, he was there as she was telling me all the nasty things and never stood up for me.i eventually forgave her, but i still have that on my mind.everything she does just buggs me. i dont like being around her at all but i still try to make the best of it.everytime we fight i bring that up to my husband how he just let her tell me off without defending me. i get so angry just thinking about it.my son goes over to her house often and i feel guilty because i talk crap about her with my husband and i know im hurting him by doing this.i just need advice to get over what she said to me, i love my husband and i know i cant change my mother in law.

I am 27 and in a rocky marriage. We have been married for almost 5 years, together for 10 years. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. We don’t fight bad alot, but do disagree and have many different interests/values in life. My husband is very hard to talk to, and often takes me for granted. He isn’t heartless, he just doesn’t talk to me much. He is a great father. For about the past year, I have not been happy. I see a psychiatrist and am on depression meds. I am torn what to do. We have tried to work this out over and over. My main concern of course is our daughter and what it would do to her if we split up. But yet, if i am not happy that isn’t good for her either right? I have thought about a separation to sort it all out and maybe it would help decide. About the only person I can stay with around my job is my brother-in-law. He isn’t close with my husband and offered me to stay at his apt. I can’t get my own place because I would still have to help pay for our house.

My husband has started being hateful with everybody in the past 4 or 5 months. The kids cant say or do anything unless he yells at them to set down or shut up. He cusses and yells at other drivers. He tells me all the time about telling people off at his work. He gets mad at me about the schedule I have to work. I no longer look forward to spending time with him and have been thinking about leaving. I know that every relationship has problems, but I won’t live a life of bickering and arguing all the time as I have been down that road most of my life and don’t see how anyone wants to live like that. During the last few months I have started resenting the fact that he only started helping around the house and it’s only to wash a few clothes or load the dishwasher. He also cooks for him and the kids. I appreciate what little he does do but everything else is left for me to do on my 2 days off. I’m thinking of leaving if his attitude doesn’t change. Am I just overreacting? And is it normal to sometimes feel like something is missing in a long marriage? We’ve been married 8 yrs.

How do I start…well, I have been married for a little over a year now. My husband & I both live in the city that we both grew up in…which means that I run into my ex-boyfriends when we go out to eat, to the mall, etc. The problem is, I have these urges…urges to cheat on my husband. I have NOT cheated before and I really don’t want to, but I have all of this temptation flood through my head when I run into my ex that was SO good in bed…and my husband kinda stinks in bed, despite being well-endowed. I’ve tried to improve him, but it seems like he is sexually-retarded, for lack of a better term. I really just want to go over to my ex’s house, have a good-old romp every now and then, but I know darn well that it is wrong and I wouldn’t be able to stand the guilt if I actually did anything. I guess I just want some opinions from other women to tell me how to deal with this…because my hormones are going crazy, my ex is really hot, but I still love my husband. I know my thoughts are wrong, so if you just want to criticize me, don’t bother replying. I want some real advice, please.

My wife says she’s fallen out of love with me, because i’m out defending my country (i’m deployed to a sh** hole in the middle east). In two weeks she says she’s fallen out of love with me. One day she tells me she wants to work it out, other days she says no, she’s flip flopping like crazy. I don’t want to let go, and i dont want to pursue the marriage either. If me and her get divorced, we’re both only 22, how many single women would want to date me? a divorced 22 year old. What should i do? Should i just tell her to leave, or wait till i come home and try to work it out? I’m not sure what to do, i’m scared of a divorce because i have been out of the playing field for so long, i’m scared to ask a woman out (i been married for 3 years now). I’m also scared that it is going to hurt us both financially getting divorced. What should i do? someone help? is it too late?

My husband and i have been married almost 2 years. We have a beautiful daughter. I love him with everything, and would do or change anything for him. while we were going out i was pregnant and he would go on chat lines and talk to girls, and when confronted he would lie and say that its someone he knows. we got married and then he started looking at porn while at work on his phone. when confronted he would lie! he is always accusing me of cheating and criticizing me of my past, making me break down and laughing about it and then he would try to kiss me and expect it to all be ok. I have hit him over it and he would tell everyone i was abusive and a few time i would push him or something like that and he would plop down like i hurt him and say oww. he has called his dad cause he helped us buy a car, and tell him that i was taking our daughter and leaving for good! when what i really said was that i wanted to go some were because we were arguing and get away. his dad would tell him to not let her get the keys and he would yank then away from me if i had em or even tackle me. and his dad also said that if i left with the car that he would come and take it from me! He is very childish and he is always saying im stupid or that i need to grow up because im younger when really he does. he has this FRIEND that is a girl at work who has in the past cheated on her fiance that he works with and he has called her and she is always texting her. we go into a argument about it before and he took his stuff and left! (He isnt from around here so he has no one but my family.) He went to her house and stayed there with her and her fiance. her fiance works a normal schedual and they work from 7pm-7am so they were there alone alot!! i talked him back we were doing great for a while and he is an alcholic he stopped drinking when we first got together but latly he drinks behing my back he will do it on his way from work, he would do it at someones house with a guy he works with. i told him i didnt want him to be drinking and he said its only 1, i like the taste! and he says im controlling him all the time and i act just like his mom and dad. he just wants to do what he wants when and how he wants. he loves me, he really needs help. and anytime i try to talk to him and tell him that he is doing something wrong with our daughter or with our marriage he says “I just a bad person” or gets REALLY MAD and yells and stomps away! he dont ever want to talk about our problems or anything. i just cant stay sain anymore! what do i do? i love him alot and want to be together but he just doesnt want to help our marrige or family.

What can I do if I’m a Christian and my husband isn’t? Neither one of us were when we met and had kids, but shortly after that I became a Christian. It didn’t happen overnight. It was a process of small changes and learning to turn from my old behavior over about 5 years. I’ve tried to be a positive example, I don’t nag him about going to church, my kids and I are constantly praying for him, but there never seems to be any change. We have nothing in common anymore and I’m becoming miserable. Even my children don’t understand his behavior somtimes and are hurt by it. He has become a stumbling block for myself and a times a bad influence on the kids. I don’t know what to do anymore and I seriously need some advice. Please help if you can.

Hello, i have been married for 2 years now and i find myself in a tough place. It was said best in the movie fireproof. I find myself in a fork in the road, both ways could lead me in differant ways. I keep fighting with my wife about stupid stuff. Things that should not even matter. I think we both feel like the other is ungreatful and selfish. I need to know what to do to fix this. There is little to no time for us to see a counciler. I love her so much and it breaks my heart to feel like im loseing her. so please if you have any advice that could help im listening.

ive been with a guy for over 3 years. he & i are finally moving together n our own place in dec… we’ve been separated alot due to school and such . but now we are finally going to be together. im beyond excited. and i know hes excited 2 cause he says “2months! 2 months” and.. “we need to buy a media center & book shelf for the apartment” and stuff like that…
you know.. LOL.
we’re young im 19 & hes 23. but we’ve been together since forever (thats the way it feels like). and ive been through so much in my young age.. im very mature. (i have my occasions of silliness but everyone does).
but the thing is…i want babies.
and marriage. and not in that order.
im going to school .. im studying to become a nurse
& weve been through so much ups & downs. now that we are finally moving together
all i can think about is being his wife.
i tell him that. he doesnt say nothing he just looks @ me.
i tell him i dont want a wedding or proposal or ring or nothing. i just want to go to the city hall. and then maybe a nice dinner just us 2. that day and just be happy.
he snapped & said dont tell him how to do things…(what does he mean by things? i wasnt even trying to i was just. . telling him what i wanted)
and babies. he gives me an outright NO. says we’re too young. i guess.. we are too young. but im talking about Planning a baby for we can have it by the time hes 25. and the time im 21. is that such a bad idea considering the fact
he doesnt use protection when we have sex “Cuz Condoms Sucks” that how he responded when i asked him why doesnt he want to use them.
the way we act most likely we will get pregnant by ACCIDENT.
i bought condoms. and everything but he never uses them i really want a baby. so i dont mind. and when he told me recently that he will become the god father of his bestfriend’s son.. my heart hurt? i was jealous? am i wrong to be jealous.. i want to be happy for him but at the same time im angry @ him.. i know god sons are different from your own children but somehow someway it still hurt me.
he & i may be young..but.. i do want to do everything right. i want to have marriage & kids. he never seems to want to talk 2 me about it. i LOVE HIM.. but i cant take being with someone who doesnt show what he wants with me. . .
these are alot of questions i hope someone can answer them all. Thankyou. and please excuse my grammar errors. i am typing really fast.

Hi everyone, I’m a male that has married now for twelve yrs. During that time we have had three great children a boy n two girls. Well about two n half yrs ago I felt the spark leaving my marriage, I attempted to talk to my wife and when I did and I mentioned this spark she told me basicly to shove it where the sun don’t shine! that hurt deeply…I continued to try and make things work and all I wanted was a little more attention and affection in our marriage, I showed her constantly, but she would hardly ever show in return. Not to mention I work hard she don’t and she would tell her relatives that I treat her poorly and constantly put her down, I’ve always considered us a team, I never put her down, then I spoke to attorney and it was a female attorney she spoke with my wife and after a few sessions said she was sure that my wife is bi-polar. I’ve begged her to please get some help, when she gets in these “modes” my god she reaks havoc amongst my children and myself. Now its to the point where my son is asking me to divorce his mom, that he wants to live somewhere else with me. And on top of it I have a woman that I’ve become friends with that I’m doing my best to hold strong and not get involved with her, but my wife is not fullfilling any of my needs or the children’s. The other day before tgiving day she told me she wants to go to mediation now for a divorce. I tried counselling also, no good didn’t work…after a yr n a half of it. And the kicker is that if we get divorced she gets then alimony and child support for the girls….WTF? haven’t I’ve been punished enough as it is already??? and on top of that she gets a monitary award????