Bad To The Bone: 3 Steps to Self-Love

Bad To The Bone

Imagine this.  And then consider how it relates to YOUR life.

The Dalai Lama was involved in a dialogue with a large western audience.  Someone brought up the concept of feeling bad about himself as a person. The Dalai Lama was perplexed.  He had no concept of self-hatred or even dislike for oneself.

As he struggled to understand what this person meant, the Dalai Lama quizzed the audience, asking if anyone knew what this person was talking about.  Everyone raised their hand.  The Dalai Lama was stunned.  In his worldview, this was unimaginable.

Did you realize that not all world citizens struggle with self-esteem? This ingrained sense of feeling inadequate and not enough is largely confined to the western world.

What did The Hell happen?

How did we get this way (may I include you or have you never struggled with self-esteem issues)?

Speculation is that it may be related to our Christian teachings, especially from the old testament perspective:  God is a punishing angry God.  People are sinful and bad by nature and need to be saved from themselves.

Even if we don’t consciously believe this, it somehow seeps into our psyche. Darn the darned old luck, as my Gram would say!

There’s another thing.  We are trained to believe that we shouldn’t place any value on ourselves.  It’s okay to give to others, but to care for oneself is selfish.

This belief is absurd and it harms you. Let’s get real!  We all care about ourselves and what we want.  It would be self-destructive not to care.

Or, perhaps we’re just self-absorbed!

Whatever the cause, it’s hard not to notice that westerners struggle with how we feel about ourselves.

Bummer.  Except for therapists who make a very lot of money helping us sort it all out.

 Steps to Self-Love

Love Heals

Here’s the bind it puts you – and me – in.  Healing requires love and that includes self-love.

A tremendous amount of research now indicates that your cells respond to love and become weak when a negative stimulus (such as feeling bad about ourselves) is encountered.

If you don’t love yourself and are self-critical, how can you heal broken heart and have a happy life?

Not easily.  So, what to do?  But, wait, there is cause for hope.

What’s A “Girl” or Guy To Do?

I’d love to say that standing in front of a mirror admiring yourself will resolve this oh so unpleasant dilemma, but I’m afraid not.  The mind is not so easily tricked.  And that’s why affirmations alone are not helpful

You need to FEEL the emotion of feeling good about yourself.  It can’t simply be an intellectual exercise.

The Mind Cannot Heal A Problem Created By The Mind

Since the mind is what’s creating the problem, you need to access something other than the mind to heal the problem.

Contrary to what many believe, I’m not saying the mind is bad, not at all.  Each function serves a valuable purpose.  It’s just that you don’t cure your harmful thinking through thoughts.

The following are a few recommendations of what you can do:

3 Steps to Self-Love

1. Start with an intention to love yourself.

Here are great words to begin this process:  I Love Myself Mercilessly No Matter What The Evidence.

In a sense, you trick your mind as you’re acknowledging there’s all this evidence that you’re not worthy,  but you CHOOSE to love yourself anyway.  This is a paradox.

Paradoxical therapy has been found to be quite effective because you’re not creating resistance.

Resistance creates a barrier to change.

If you don’t feel great about yourself and you look in a mirror and tell yourself you’re wonderful, your mind will resist this image because you don’t believe it.

2. Prescribe the symptom.

You’re going to trip out on this one but it can be great fun!  This is another use of paradox.  It’s an example of a therapeutic technique called prescribing the symptom.

Stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself how awful you are.  Without monitoring yourself,  speak out every “bad” thing you can think of about yourself.  Let it all out, don’t hold back.

If you have poor self-esteem, someone can tell you ’til the cows come home that you’re wonderful, and you won’t believe it.   In fact, you’ll probably resist the idea.

But, if you stand in front of a mirror and spew out how awful you are, you’re likely to laugh your arse off at some point at how absurd it is!

3. Seek a therapeutic intervention using a mind-body modality.

Talk therapy may be great in some regards, but bypassing the mind is extremely beneficial for these types of issues.

Tapping (EFT-Emotional Freedom Technique), for example, is a great tool.  Many other modalities are available.  Google mind-body healing and choose one that resonates with you.

How Bad Are You?

Is it shocking to you to discover that not everyone in the world struggles with their concept of themselves?

We are so hard on ourselves.

If you care about others and life on this planet, you’re likely to expect near perfection from yourself.   I know I did, especially when I was younger.

I still hold myself to a standard of wanting to be really “good” in how I relate to others and my world.  And I’m disappointed in myself when I don’t meet my own standard.  What about you?

The reality is, though, we aren’t perfect beings and perfectly is BORING and a pain in the ass, truth be told.

There’s a concept in psychology called “the good enough mother“.

You get the gist of what that means – fallible, imperfect, yet good enough.  How about we apply that concept to ourselves?

  • What has your experience been with your concept of yourself?
  • Have you struggled with self-esteem issues or a sense of inadequacy?
  • What have you done that has been beneficial or healing regarding these feelings?

Play with my suggestions and let me know how it goes!

In the meantime, be well, and may you experience tremendous self-love and the best relationships ever!

50 Deep Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend Tonight

Deep Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend

1. What did you think when you first met me?

2. What do you really remember most about the evening/day we first met?

3. What about our relationship makes you really happy?

4. How long did you feel our relationship would last when we first began dating?

5. In the event you’d one word to describe our connection what would it be?

6. If you’d one word to describe our love what would it be?

7. What’s your greatest fear for this relationship?

8. Can you believe there’s one person you’re intended to be with?

9. Would you believe in fate? destiny?

10. What’s one difference between us that you absolutely adore?

11. What’s one similarity between us that you totally love?

12. What about me made you fall in love?

13. Is love something that scares you?

14. How about love scares you?

15. What’s your favorite memory of us?

16. What’s one thing you want to do together that we’ve never done before?

17. If something happened where I had to move very far, can you attempt long distance? Or go our separate ways?

18. Where is your favorite spot to be with me?

19. What’s one point you’re scared to ask me, but truly want to know the solution to?

20. What’s one thing you feel our relationship is lacking?

21. What’s your favorite non-physical quality about me?

22. What’s your favorite physical quality about me?

23. If our relationship ended, what’s the one thing about it you miss the most?

24. Do you think you’ve been susceptible in our connection?

25. What do you think was your most vulnerable moment in our connection?

26. Would you think I’ve been vulnerable in our connection?

27. What would you think h-AS been the hands-down funniest second because we began the relationship?

28. What’s one quality about me that I see as a flaw which you absolutely love?

29. What’s one solution you’ve wanted to inform me, but haven’t?

30. Do you think there’s such factor as the correct person for you personally?

31. Do you think I’m the right person for you personally? (If yes) What about me makes me the right person?

32. If I said you could date other people, would you?

33. What do you really think I D say is your most attractive quality?

34. What’s your favored method to present affection?

35. What’s your favorite way to receive affection?

36. What’s one factor you believe makes our connection distinctive from everyone else?

37. Should you were able to change one factor about our relationship what would it be?

38. If we could go everywhere together right now, where would you want to go?

39. What do you really think is your largest strength in this relationship?

40. What’s your greatest weakness in this relationship?

41. Who does one think is the most affectionate in our relationship?

42. How do you think we both have altered since we first started dating?

43. What about us equally is precisely the same since we first started dating?

44. What’s one point I do that makes you feel good, which you wish I did more?

45. What’s one factor about your existence you would never modify for somebody else, including me?

46. What about us do you think is useful together?

47. What’s one point you hope happens in the potential of our relationship?

48. What does love mean to you personally?

49. What do I mean to you?

50. What does this connection imply to you personally?

Why do we dream?

After all these years, many facets of how and why it operates like it does still baffle researchers. Scientists happen to be performing dream and sleep studies for decades and we aren’t 100 percent certain about precisely how and why we dream, or the function of sleep. We do understand that our dream cycle is typically most abundant and best remembered throughout the REM period of sleep. It’s also pretty commonly accepted that people all dream, although the frequency in which dreams are remembered varies from person to person.

The question of whether dreams really have a physiological, biological or mental function has yet to be replied. But that hasn’t prevented scientists from studying and supposing. There are many theories regarding the reason why we dream. One is that dreams work hand in hand with sleep to help the brain sort through everything it accumulates throughout the waking hours. Your brain is met with countless thousands, or even millions of inputs each day. Some are minor sensory details like the shade of a passing car, although some are much more elaborate, just like the enormous demonstration you are putting together for your job. During sleep, the brain works to plow through all this info to choose what things to forget and what to hang on to. Like dreams play a part in this technique, some researchers feel.

Why We Dream

Studies suggest that as we are learning new things dreams grow while we sleep.

Another theory is the fact that our emotions are normally reflected by dreams. During the day, our brains work difficult to make connections to achieve certain functions. When introduced with a tough math problem, your brain is amazingly focused on one particular thing. And the brain doesn’t simply serve functions that are mental. Your brain is centered on making the correct links to allow your hands to work in concert with some wood and a tool to make a precise cut in the event that you’re building a table. Exactly the same goes for easy tasks like hitting a nail having a hammer. Have you ever ever lost focus and smashed your finger because your mind was elsewhere?

Some have proposed that at nighttime everything slows down. We’re not required to focus on anything during slumber, so our brains make connections that were very loose. For example, in case you are worried about losing your task to company downsizing, you might dream you are a shrunken person living in a world of giants, or you also are drifting aimlessly via a terrific desert abyss.

There’s also a theory, unquestionably the least intriguing of the bunch, that dreams don’t actually serve any function at all, that they’re just a needless byproduct of the brain firing while we slumber. Some believe that dreams are meaningless and random dismissals of the mind that individuals don’t have when we are conscious and that it is just the brain winding down for the night. Precisely why we dream, the stark reality is, provided that the brain remains such a mystery, we probably will not be able to pinpoint with absolute certainty.

Guys who flirt with every girl, what are their features?


Are men in a custom of flirting? Are you aware how a guy flirts? How to understand that a man flirts with everyone? There are a few notions of men’s conduct according to which every girl should get the response.

Regrettably, there certainly are a substantial variety of men who flirt with each girl near them. How you can understand that flirt is his style of life? Look closely at some features of a person who flirts bellow. Let’s attempt to find out all the vital information for you to comprehend that he is in the practice of flirting.

You need to pay attention

It’s possible that men who claim that they can not take eyes will be met by you. We consider, you know, their dialogue is far from true desires. The brutal reality is the fact that they, regrettably, can not take their eyes too. For many people, is an incurable disease. In the end, there’s nothing interesting to view the lit-up eyes of men (at the sight of every skirt). If this man has just now declared his love to a different girl it really is worse. Needless to say, this is an embarrassing situation.

In order not to become a victim of the cheap trick, define the signals of a man that is flirting.

He is adorable.

He is irresistible. Just like other women, you would like to believe that you are not like the others — specifically the one that guy generally see. A guy that is flirting is fabulously enchanting. He makes you enables you to blame yourself always that you’d critical notions about him and feel dumb. Believe, these guys will not be your best option. It truly is desirable to avoid the sweet side. This kind of cavalier shouldn’t be considered for the long term relationship.

Needless to say, you can locate a flirting men oratorical talent, as a characteristic in their character. Most commonly we are dealing with a specially trained skill. Pay focus; he’s prepared to agree with you all the time. It is a particular sort of flirting guys of conduct.

He’s vain

Surprisingly, this faith is transmitted to their women as well as others. Again, believe, it’s not your super-attractiveness. Only. Flirting guys have skills that are such. And they use those skills with every girl who becomes the thing of the flirt.

Wants to steal your heart

As a matter of fact, flirting men aren’t interested in taking your heart, don’t be deceived. Don’t forget, they are skilled people and understand exactly how to do their job. Guys like this are players, and they’ll remain forever (even in the event that you expect for serious relations). Our suggestion is, don’t give in to them! A will never be loyal, and you’re going to only hurt yourself as well as your self-esteem.

No duty

In the chance of sounding a bit cynical, we should explain. A guy who is in the habit of flirting and who flirts all the time will never give any serious support to you. Think about it — how to live with it. There are many ways out of this situation. Either humiliate yourself and take this guy, or get out as well as move on.

So, you’ve got the five most prominent signs of an always flirting man. To get involved with such guys is not a good idea. In the end, the single thing you’ll get is a broken heart.

Don’t forget, the final decision is yours. Only make certain that your selection doesn’t hurt you.