Love Relationship

No matter how confident a person you may be, having sex for the first time is a scary prospect for pretty much anyone. It’s like climbing into a car for the first time and being told to just start driving — a lot of things could go wrong, but you don’t really understand what they are until you start going.

There are a lot of things to worry about on your first time. You want to choose the right person. You’re nervous about taking the risk of actually suggesting that you HAVE sex. (How embarrassing will it be if the other person doesn’t want to?)

And then there’s the risk that, well, you’ll be lousy in bed.

I received an email recently from a visitor to my website www.FirstTimeSecrets.com asking the following question that really tugged at my heartstrings:

Dear Samantha,

Do you have any sex tips that will hide my virginity? I don’t want her to know it’s my first time.

Thanks,
John

I think John’s question is one that a lot of people have before their first time. Nobody wants to look like a beginner — fumbling around with zippers, saying the wrong thing, touching your lover the wrong way, making the whole experience awkward and uncomfortable.

No way! You want to be smooth and confident. You want to hit that perfect mix where you’re kind of taking charge, but kind of just letting the whole experience happen. Zen sex, you might call it.

So without further ado, here are my top five sex tips for someone who wants to hide their virginity:

1. Talk. If you can communicate with someone, you can have good sex with them. If you can’t, forget it — the sex just isn’t going to be good.

For good sex, you’ll need to be able to tell the other person how you’re feeling, what you want, what you don’t want. Imagine if you couldn’t!

Sadly, this is often the case — we’re afraid to talk, so we suffer through sex that just doesn’t feel good. My advice? Do whatever you have to do so you feel comfortable with the other person first. I don’t want to sound old-fashioned here, but dating is a pretty good place to start.

Often we’re so wrapped up in our own thoughts that we forget to think about the other person. Don’t make that mistake — it will make you a bad lover, trust me. Think about them and their needs — and maybe they’ll do the same for you.

2. Consider telling the truth. If you want to hide your virginity, you’re starting your sex life based on a lie. Lies tend to kill intimacy and make things difficult.

How bad would it be if she knew the truth about you? Or to put it another way… how would you feel if you found out later that it was HER first time and she lied to you about it?

People like it when you have the courage to tell them the truth, even if you’re embarrassed about it. Sharing something like this about yourself can bring you closer together — and that’s what you’re looking for, right?

3. Ask questions. One of the biggest mistakes a lot of people make early in their sex lives is to assume that being a good lover is all about THEM. Here’s a tip: good lovers don’t put on a big show — they pay a lot of attention to THEIR lovers.

If you’re worried about looking like a beginner, the worst thing you can do is to try strutting into the bedroom and putting on a big show of how confident you are. Trust me: try that and you’ll look like a fool.

Instead, be a considerate lover. Try asking a few questions. Here are a few to get you started:

• Are you comfortable?
• Is there anything you want to talk about before we do this?
• Are you nervous about anything?
• Can you show me how you want to be touched?

4. Take turns. This is a great game to play, whether you’re experienced or not. Suggest to your lover that you take turns inviting each other to try something sexual — she goes first.

Both of you have the right to refuse any invitation at any time. If she turns you down for something, don’t take it personally! She’s just taught you something about what she likes and doesn’t like. Pay attention to these signals, because this is how you’ll progress from lousy lover to great lover!

To keep things safe and comfy for both of you, you should only do things you’re comfortable and happy doing… and see where it leads!

For example, she might invite you to kiss her neck. Then you invite her to run her fingers slowly up your spine. This is sexy, it’s fun, and it’s relaxing. Sometimes it leads to sex, sometimes not — just go with it, be respectful, and enjoy!

This game can also be a great way to relax together and establish your boundaries. It doesn’t have to lead to full-on sex, or even to anything particularly heavy — it can be just as much fun with your clothes on.

5. Get skills. Yes, having sex is an instinct — but have you ever watched the Discovery Channel? Well, those animals are having sex by instinct — and generally, it ain’t pretty.

If you want to be a good lover and have sex that’s safe, comfortable, and totally hot for both of you, there are two ways to do it.

The first way is to jump in, try doing it, and have awkward, weird sex until you figure out how to do it right. That’s how most people do it, and it’s really a shame.

The second way is to get some skills! The more you know about how to touch your lover’s body and handle different sexual situations, the more fun it’s going to be for both of you. Shameless plug: My Guide to Losing Your Virginity is a good place to start — it’s an instruction manual that takes the guesswork out of having sex. you can pick up a copy on my site and try it risk-free.

In the end, why lie and hide the fact that it’s your first time? Instead of trying to fool her, try to wow her — by being the best lover you can be. If you can do that, everything else will fall into place.

By Samantha O.

Samantha O. is the author of First Time Secrets, an instruction manual and guide to losing your virginity. Learn more at www.firsttimesecrets.com.

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